Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
