two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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