i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
barbara walters just said penis...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
