If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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