Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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