He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
