listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
