when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
