So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
