I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
