I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
