I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize