I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
