I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize