At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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