??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize