You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
