Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
