: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
