my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
