Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
