Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
