just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
