Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
