sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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