she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
