is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
