Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
