you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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