Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
