Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
