we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
