so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i now understand why vodka
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
