Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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