Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
