She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
