I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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