I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
