Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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