we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize