Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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