every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
