I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
