My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
