Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
