My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
