i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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