Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
