if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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