That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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