I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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