she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
