I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
