walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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