I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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