He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
