so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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