she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
