I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
