i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
that's an acceptable place to lick
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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