I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize