2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
