An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
