Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
