She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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