elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
