I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
