i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
