hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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