My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
