How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
