I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
