this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
