Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize