Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I look better un-naked...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
