I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
