Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
