is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
MIDGETS
????
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
