Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The adults are the big ones right?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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