All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
