we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
