she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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