Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
