so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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