I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
