She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
