Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
