I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
