I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
