This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I AM VODKA MAN
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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