its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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