dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
