so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
