I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
