my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
